10. March 2026

When the Hurt Finds Them Too: Helping Your Kids Navigate the Pain of Divorce

By Jenny Kuemmel, Host of Momma Drama & Trauma

The Month I Realized Their Hearts Were Breaking Too

March was the month everything shifted from my heartbreak to the heartbreak I saw in my kids. Up until then I was carrying so much emotional weight on my own that I kept hoping my boys were somehow shielded from the worst of it. But pain slips in quietly even when I am doing everything I can to protect them.

I remember looking at them and realizing the hurt had found them too. Not in loud dramatic ways but in the quiet ways only a mom notices. The heaviness in their shoulders. The long pauses before answering. The way they forced a smile when I knew they did not feel it.

Divorce did not just reshape my life.
It reshaped theirs.

And the hardest part was realizing I could not take the pain away. I could only walk through it with them.

March taught me that being strong for my kids does not mean pretending everything is fine. It means showing up with honesty compassion and presence even when my own heart is breaking.

What Divorce Really Felt Like Through My Kids’ Eyes

My boys did not experience divorce the way I did. They did not have the words for it. They did not understand the layers behind the decisions. They did not know how to make sense of the life changes happening around them.

I saw

confusion
overwhelm
guilt that did not belong to them
fear of the unknown
anger they did not know how to express
attempts to act fine when they were not

And what broke me the most was realizing they were trying to be strong for me.

Teens especially carry pain quietly. Mine did. They held things in. They shut down. They tried to avoid adding to my stress. They acted normal even when nothing felt normal.

And that is when the truth hit me.
They were hurting quietly hoping I would not notice.

The Subtle Signs I Started Seeing

My kids did not always say they were hurting.
But their behavior did.

I noticed

sudden silence where laughter used to be
irritability that did not fit the moment
withdrawing into their rooms
staying up late because their minds were racing
lingering around me but not talking
pretending they were okay when I knew they were not

Sometimes the signs were so small they were easy to miss.
But once I saw them I could not look away.

My kids were grieving the family we used to be in their own ways at their own pace.

How I Tried to Talk to My Kids When Everything Felt Heavy

There is no script for talking to your kids when their world is falling apart. I did not have the right words. I just had my heart and my intention.

I learned to

be honest without overwhelming them
give them simple truths they could hold onto
let them talk when they wanted and be quiet when they did not
validate every feeling even when it was hard to hear
be a soft place to land when everything else felt unstable

I found myself saying things like

This is not your fault.
You did not cause this.
You do not have to fix anything.
I am here for every feeling you have.

Sometimes they opened up.
Sometimes they did not.
Sometimes we talked in the car because it felt easier.
Sometimes the best conversations happened in silence.

I realized my presence mattered more than perfect words ever could.

How I Tried to Support My Kids Emotionally While I Was Still Healing Too

Supporting my kids while trying to heal myself was one of the hardest balancing acts I have ever done. But there were things that helped us all survive March.

Consistency

Routines helped my kids feel grounded when their world felt unstable.

One on one moments

Even small moments like a drive a snack run or sitting together reminded them they still mattered in all the chaos.

Letting them see me cope

Not the breakdowns but the strength. The parts where I was trying. They needed to know healing was possible.

Giving them emotional language

Sometimes I had to put words to feelings they did not know how to express yet.

Physical closeness

A hand on the back a hug sitting next to them helped more than they ever admitted.

Answering their questions honestly

Even when it hurt. Even when I did not fully understand everything myself.

Tools and Resources That Helped Me Support My Kids

As I began realizing how deeply they were hurting I reached for anything that might help them feel seen understood or supported.

Books for younger kids

Even though mine were older these can still help others

Two Homes
It Is Not Your Fault Koko Bear
The Invisible String

Books for teens

The Divorce Helpbook for Teens
Stuff That Sucks

Tools that helped my boys

journaling
music
movement or walks
quiet time
occasional counseling
consistent routines
safe conversations

Affirmations I tried to remind them of

This is not your fault.
Your feelings matter.
You are loved always.
We are going to get through this.

What March Taught Me About Being a Mom Through Divorce

March taught me that my kids were not just adjusting to a new life.
They were grieving the old one.

It taught me that they did not need a perfect mom.
They just needed me.

Present.
Listening.
Loving.
Trying.

Even on the days I felt broken I was still showing up.
And that mattered more than anything.

Final Thoughts: Their Hurt Does Not Define Their Future

My kids’ pain did not mean they were broken.
It meant they were human.

And with

time
support
honesty
emotional safety
and being allowed to feel their feelings

they slowly started healing in their own ways.

March was the month I learned I could hold my own heart and theirs at the same time even when both felt fragile.

If this part of my story connects with you or if you are walking through something similar with your own kids the full March episode of Momma Drama and Trauma goes even deeper into this chapter.

And as always

You are strong.
You are worthy.
And your story matters.

Until next time take care of YOU. 💗