12. March 2026
When Self Love Feels Like Too Much
By Jenny Kuemmel | Momma Drama & Trauma
February has felt heavy for me. Not dramatic. Not chaotic. Just heavy in that quiet, lingering way exhaustion settles into your bones. This episode and this blog are for the moms who are doing their best but feel worn down. The ones who know they should take care of themselves but do not have the energy to even figure out how. This is about redefining self-love when you are tired, depleted and running on empty, and learning how to care for yourself without adding more pressure.
When Exhaustion Becomes Normal
Exhaustion does not usually show up all at once. It builds slowly. It starts with feeling drained at the end of the day and turns into waking up already tired. You are still functioning. You are still showing up. But everything feels heavier than it used to.
For me, exhaustion became something I barely noticed anymore because it was just my baseline. I was doing what needed to be done, taking care of my kids, handling responsibilities and pushing through. From the outside, it probably looked like I was managing fine. Inside, I felt flat and disconnected from myself.
That kind of exhaustion is easy to ignore because you are still standing. But just because you are standing does not mean you are okay.
Why “Just Take Better Care of Yourself” Never Helped Me
I have heard all the advice. Wake up earlier. Create a routine. Journal. Move your body. Drink more water. Make time for yourself. None of that helped when I was burned out.
Not because those things are bad, but because they assume you have extra energy to give. When you are exhausted, even good advice can feel like pressure. It can make you feel like you are failing at self-care too.
There was a point where self-love started to feel like another thing I was not doing right. Another way I was falling short. And that is when I realized the problem was not me. The problem was that the version of self-love I was being handed did not fit the season I was in.
Understanding Exhaustion as an Emotional State
Exhaustion is not always physical. Often, it is emotional. It comes from carrying the mental load, making constant decisions, holding space for everyone else and being the steady one even when you are struggling.
When you live like that long enough, your nervous system stays on high alert. You are always bracing. Always managing. Always anticipating what comes next. That is not something a bubble bath can fix.
Understanding this changed everything for me. It helped me stop blaming myself for feeling tired all the time and start looking at exhaustion as a signal, not a failure.
How Exhaustion Changed the Way I Treated Myself
When I was exhausted, I became harder on myself. I lowered my expectations quietly but judged myself constantly. I told myself I should be more patient, more productive, more grateful.
I stopped checking in with how I felt and started minimizing my own needs. I told myself I would rest later. When things slowed down. When everything else was handled.
But later never really came.
What I needed was not motivation. I needed permission. Permission to stop pushing. Permission to admit I was tired. Permission to be human.
Solutions & Guidance: Gentle Self-Love When You’re Exhausted
Here is what self-love actually looked like for me in seasons of exhaustion.
- Letting rest happen without earning it
- Choosing one thing each day to make easier
- Allowing “good enough” to be enough
- Pausing before saying yes instead of responding automatically
- Protecting my evenings and my energy
- Speaking to myself with kindness instead of criticism
- Choosing comfort without guilt
- Accepting help or at least admitting I needed it
None of these require motivation. None of them require perfection. They are small shifts that create relief instead of pressure.
Recommended Support
Book
Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle by Emily Nagoski, Ph.D., and Amelia Nagoski, DMA.
Articles
Why Emotional Exhaustion Feels So Different Than Being Tired
The Mental Load Mothers Carry and Why It Matters
How Rest Supports the Nervous System, Not Just the Body
Final Thoughts
If you are exhausted, you are not broken. You are not failing. You are responding normally to carrying a lot for a long time.
Self-love in seasons like this is not about fixing yourself or becoming better. It is about staying connected to yourself. It is about choosing softness over pressure and honesty over pretending you are fine.
You do not have to do this perfectly. You do not have to do it all at once. You just have to stop abandoning yourself when things feel hard.
As Always
You are strong.
You are worthy.
And your story matters.
Until next time, take care of you. 💗