10. March 2026

Losing Myself to Find Myself Again

By Jenny Kuemmel, Host of Momma Drama & Trauma

The Month I Started Seeing Myself Clearly

February was the month things became painfully still.
The shock from the discovery had settled just enough for me to finally sit with the pieces of my life and myself and actually look at them.

The dust had not cleared not even close but I started noticing the ways I had quietly disappeared inside my own marriage long before it ended. Not because I wanted to but because survival sometimes means shrinking softening bending and losing pieces of yourself you do not realize are missing until they are gone.

February was the month I realized I was not just grieving the marriage.
I was grieving the woman I used to be.

The Quiet Way I Lost Myself

I did not lose myself all at once.
It happened slowly quietly almost gently.

It was in

the moments I stopped speaking up
the times I kept the peace instead of telling the truth
the nights I cried alone and told myself it was fine
the way I put everyone else first without ever noticing I was not on the list
the years I played the role of the strong one the stable one the dependable one
the way I carried everything on my shoulders so my family would not have to

I lost myself in the responsibilities.
In the routine.
In the motherhood.
In the marriage that looked okay from the outside but was slowly breaking on the inside.

And I did not even realize how far I had drifted from myself until February forced me to look in the mirror.

The Realization That Hit Me Hard

February was the month I said to myself

I do not even know who I am without being his wife.
I do not know who I am when I am not trying to fix everything.
I do not know what I like what I want what I need.
Who was I before all this.

And that realization hit harder than any argument any betrayal any painful conversation.

Because losing yourself hurts more deeply than losing a relationship.

It is a pain that lingers.
A pain that whispers.
A pain that forces you to stop and look at the truth. The truth of who you have become and the truth of who you used to be.

The Moment I Started Finding Myself Again

The beautiful thing about hitting rock bottom is that you finally have something solid to rebuild from.

February became the month I started piecing myself back together quietly slowly imperfectly.

Finding myself looked like

crying when I needed to
journaling my pain
letting myself feel the anger instead of swallowing it
rediscovering the things I loved
letting old parts of me breathe again
listening to music that woke something inside me
spending time alone
standing up for myself even when it shook me
not accepting breadcrumbs of love anymore
reconnecting to the voice I had softened for too long

I did not magically become a stronger version of myself overnight.
But February planted the seed.

And that seed was this truth

The woman I lost is not gone.
She is waiting for me.

What Helped Me Start Finding Myself Again And Might Help You Too

When I finally admitted I had lost myself I did not know where to begin. Everything felt blurry heavy and unfamiliar. But slowly I started trying small things tiny steps that helped me reconnect with who I was underneath all the pain.

These are the things that helped me one piece at a time.

1. Giving myself silence

Not the painful silence of heartbreak but the intentional silence that lets me hear my own thoughts again.

Walks.
Quiet mornings.
Breathing without rushing.

This is where I started hearing me again.

2. Journaling the truth instead of the version I wished was true

Writing my real feelings even the messy angry heartbreaking ones helped me understand what I was holding onto and what I needed to let go.

3. Doing one small thing every day that was just for me

A drive.
A coffee.
A playlist.
A hot bath.
A walk alone.

These tiny acts reminded me that I still mattered.

4. Reconnecting with things I used to love

Music that made me feel alive.
Clothes that felt like me.
Colors and hobbies I had forgotten.

Little sparks from my old self began returning.

5. Letting myself feel instead of forcing myself to be strong

When I finally stopped holding it all in I realized the real me was underneath all those years of silence.

6. Saying no when something did not feel right

Every time I chose myself even in small ways I found another piece of who I used to be.

7. Spending time alone without feeling guilty

It was in those quiet moments driving journaling sitting in my room that I began rebuilding who I was becoming.

8. Asking myself real questions

What do I want.
What do I need.
What makes me feel like myself again.

These questions became my compass.

9. Letting go of the version of me that was only surviving

I was not meant to live in survival mode forever.
Admitting that changed everything.

10. Reminding myself daily that I deserve joy

Not just peace.
Not just stability.
Joy.

The real kind.
The kind I used to feel without even thinking.

Finding myself was not one big revelation.
It was hundreds of small choices that slowly led me back home to the woman I used to be and the woman I am still becoming.

Final Thoughts: Losing Myself Was the Beginning of Finding Me

Looking back February will always be the month I started to see myself clearly maybe for the first time in years.

It was the month I stopped pretending.
The month I stopped rescuing.
The month I stopped carrying blame that was not mine.
The month I realized I deserved more than survival.
The month I finally asked who am I and who do I want to be.

And even though it hurt it was the beginning of everything I am becoming now.

Because sometimes losing yourself is the first step to finally finding yourself again.

As Always

You are strong.
You are worthy.
And your story matters.
Until next time take care of you. 💗